Psalm 84:12

nursing school has allowed me to believe that i am adapted to *somewhat* handle any medical situation that arises until more advanced help arrives. and that may be true in some cases; however, that is NOT true when it is your fiance' who is doubled over the sink in pain.

joe had to work a 14 hour shift today (tuesday) because of the snow, so i did not see him at all until he showed up at my door at 1130 begging for something to make his pain go away. when he called and told me he was coming i was thinking that he would just get the medicine and leave, but when i opened the door i knew that he wouldn't be leaving for a while. his face was white and he could hardly talk to me. so i set out in my over dramatic panic trying to decide what to do. he attributed his pain to heartburn and indigestion, but when someone tells me they are having pain in their chest i am not taking that lightly. so i gave him some tums, some alka seltzer... whatever i could find in my cabinet to help him. in the meantime i was asking my roommate for advice, texting my best friend all the symptoms, and praying nonstop. 

at this point every nursing instinct i had was out the door. i felt so lost. joe was bent over my sink cringing in pain and i couldn't do anything about it. what kind of nurse am i if i can't even take care of some simple pain? judge all you want, but he was scarin' me. 

30 minutes passed and there was no signs of improvement. he was still breathing hard and he was holding his chest tightly while i was frantically running around. i had a quick nursing instinct to take his blood pressure, so that's what i did. a little elevated, but nothing to be too worried about. i made him sit down at the table and drink some water while asking the best nursing questions i knew how. it is amazing how fast you can react to a patient who you just met in the hospital.. but caring for someone you love who is in pain? that is a whole different story. so here we are, sitting at the kitchen table... he is bent over trying to breathe through the pain and i'm asking him questions to fight back the tears. i felt so helpless in this moment. he kept insisting that he would be okay but i wasn't buying it. 

i should have mentioned that he had just gotten off work at 9pm and he has to be back at work at 4am. so he really needed to be in bed, asleep at this point. 

after 45 minutes of pep talking and trying to decide whether to go to the ED or not.. he insisted that he go home and go to bed. so i packed him a goody bag of tums and alka seltzers and sent him on his way. 

when he got home he so sweetly thanked me and said goodnight, then sent me a text that said "psalm 84:12". 

of course i looked it up and in that moment i felt so much peace. 

psalm 84:12 says, "Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you." (NIV)

this was just another lesson that taught me that i need not worry about any situation that is thrown my way. god is going to send us trials that we may not know how to solve, but in those trials i believe that he is also trying to teach us to have a solid foundation of trust in him. 

so, here i sit at almost 1 in the morning just staring at my phone and wanting to be awake in case joe were to need me and i am spending precious time with god. i should be studying for my test tomorrow, but right now this quiet time is helping me clear my mind. i am constantly reminded that our savior has an everlasting love for us. no matter the situation, no matter the lack of trust; he loves us through and through. but knowing that different blessings comes from trust in god makes me long to have a stronger trust in him. 

the next time you find yourself in a situation that has you in a tizzy remind yourself that you are a child of the king. he has his hands around you and he is protecting you. 

remember these bible verses: 

joshua 1:9

psalm 13:5

psalm 31:14

psalm 56:3

and definitely, psalm 84:12. 

god is so so good, and i know he has a hand of protection on us. 

if you get a second today, remember joe in your prayers. i know he will be tired at work and i'm sure he won't be feeling very well. 

also remember that god loves you, no matter what. 

have a blessed day my pretties!

C

last week was one week that i had been looking forward to for a long time...

SPRING BREAK!

otherwise known as the first week i had been home since Christmas.

it was so nice to be able to go home and just enjoy time with my family. it was just me and them. joe started a full time job this semester so he had to work until wednesday, which gave me a bunch of time at home. 

it was great!

on my first sunday home, mackenzie had a dance competition so i went with mom, dad, and thompson to watch her dance. it was so nice to be able to sit there and watch and not have to get caught in the hustle and bustle of changing costumes every 5 minutes. although, i do miss it. i just enjoyed watching mack do her thing. (she did fabulous, by the way!)

after the dance competition there was a bridal expo in town that mom wanted me to go to. however, mom was still at the dance competition with my sister. which left me with the problem of 'who in the world am i gonna go with?!'

literally- i texted every person in my contacts that i thought would be in town who might go with me and not one single person could go. my poor daddy was so selfless and offered to drive me, but he wasn't about to get out of the car. so i put on my big girl panties and i went.... alll alone. i guess it was meant for me to go alone and just soak in everything since no one else could go with me. 

and i think that is exactly what i needed- some alone time to take a deep breath and get all my thoughts together for this wedding of the century that we are planning. 

so, i got some really good ideas from the bridal expo and mom and i began to call and make appointments with florists, photographers, etc. she took off of work on monday and tuesday to spend the day with me so that we could get some wedding stuff done. that woman is great. she went into our appointments with all these questions that i had never even thought of. i don't know what i would do without her. she has helped me so much while i have been away at school and i truly wish that there was some way that i could repay her for all of her hard work. i know one day she will receive her crown because she is a true queen. 

the one challenge about wedding planning during spring break was that joe was not at home. although he could absolutely care less about wedding planning, it is still nice to have his input and know that this is going to be our wedding, not just my wedding. i would call him after each appointment and give him the spill and i could just see his smile through the phone as he replied "that's great babe!" after everything i said. 

sometimes it is nice to have him just agree and not say anything else- but this is our wedding and i want him to have a say! i guess that's a man thing, and something that i will have to get used to for the rest of my life. 

by the way- i'm not sure if i have ever officially announced the wedding date. we will be sending out 'save the dates' as soon as the groom decides that his beard is in good enough shape to have engagement pictures taken, but until then this announcement will have to work! 

nine months and two weeks from today is....

january 3rd, 2015

we spent months trying to set a final date. it changed at least three times before mama laid down the law and told us to pick a date. there are many different reasons why we chose a winter wedding, but we wanted something very classy and formal and we felt that a winter wedding was our best bet. also, who wants to wait 6 more months to get married to someone who you have been with for at that point almost 7 years?? NOT ME! 

we have gotten a lot of negative comments on a winter wedding but we have also gotten a lot of positive comments. either way, we felt like this was the best decision for US and we are very excited about it! we will try to make it a very enjoyable night for everyone! 

anyways, back to the spring break recap. 

by wednesday i was missin' my man! i had lunch that day with his sweet cousins, morgan and taylor. it was so great to be able to have lunch with them and catch up! (love you both!) 

also, on wednesday i had the privilege to ask the cutest 4 year olds in the entire world to be our ring bearer and flower girl. 

i swear, it doesn't get any cuter. they may steal the show from us on our big day, but that is perfectly fine with us! 

on wednesday night my man finally came home to me! we were able to spend some time with his dad and grandparents that night before we hit the road to the beach the next morning. 

i debated on whether or not to go to the beach because i wanted some extra time with my family. but honestly, i am really glad i decided to go. 

(this is my sweet boy fishing) 

those days that i sat on the beach while the guys fished was so special to me. i was able to really spend time with god and ask for total clarity of my life. i was able to reflect on where i had been and where i am going in life. it was bliss. sometimes i get so caught up in life i forget that i have to stop and just spend time with god so that i can continue to stay in his will. every day i allow different sins to gain control of my life, some, bigger than others, but they always seem to weigh me down and i feel as if the devil is telling me i will never be good enough. not for god, not for joe, not for my mom and dad, and not for my friends and family. it is a true battle. one of my downfalls is that i am always trying to be the absolute best i can be and most times i forget that i am going to make mistakes. and when i do make a mistake i feel as if the world is weighing on my shoulders. 

i always have to remind myself of the verse 1 john 1:9. 

i will be the first person to admit that i do make mistakes, and sometimes i fall short of asking for forgiveness. but i know that god has made these special promises because he loves us. he loves us with an everlasting love and there is nothing that can separate us from him. we only have to repent and ask for forgiveness. so why is that so hard sometimes?! because i'm selfish? because i want to keep sinning? all i know is that i am so thankful for a savior who guides me and directs me when my path begins to detour from him. i want need that. 

its like god is always there to grab me when i'm on the edge. 

for those of you who know me you know that i am very type A personality. i like to have a plan. i like to know what's going to happen before it happens. and for those of you who know joe, you know that he is the complete opposite of that. actually, we are complete opposites in almost every way possible. he is so laid back. all of the time. never really cares what happens. as long as he has a fishing rod and some mountain dew he is good. sometimes, this is absolutely wonderful. sometimes, it is nice to relax and not have a worry in the world. but, most of the time, that is not my reality. and this is where we clash. sometimes it is really hard. and in the moment when i begin to get frustrated... THAT is where god grabs me before i go over the edge. THAT is what i'm thankful for. he protects me from making mistakes i will regret and he protects joe from my frustration. it is in those times that i remind myself of the verse james 1:19. that is powerful stuff! and i am so grateful for it. i am continuously learning how to be a better christian and just a better person all around. 

i am also grateful for this season of engagement. we are closer than we were when we were dating, but we don't share the closeness of a marriage, yet. it is a time of spiritual and emotional growth. we are learning new things about each other every day. our lives aren't perfect. we aren't perfect. we make mistakes. we disagree. and we argue. but at the end of the day one thing stands- we love each other and we love our savior. 

i pray that is how it is in whatever situation you are going through. there will be battles and you will make mistakes. but know that at the end of the day someone loves you. god definitely loves you. and that is something that you will never change. trust in him. put your faith in him. ask for forgiveness from him. "he is faithful and just to forgive your sins". 

understand that many times when you face hardships in life it is god trying to strengthen you and build you for the next task he has prepared for your life. trust that he will send you something greater than you could ever imagine. he will never show you your final plans because he wants you to have that trust and faith in him. 

i pray that each of you will find this trust that you should have in god. i am praying for myself, that i would find the trust in god that i need. it is hard, i know that. but it is so worth it! 

so, i leave you with a prayer request and a challenge. 

the prayer request- pray for joe and i to make the right decision on where to move when we graduate from college. we thought we had everything planned out.. until.. god threw us a curve ball this week. we aren't very worried about it because we trust that he will place us where we can better serve him but it is still nice to have spiritual support. 

the challenge- spend at least 10 minutes every day with the lord. the time spent with him will be so worthwhile. it will strengthen your relationship with him and it will make your days much more joyful. 

this is a challenge for me as well, because i fall short in this area. i try to spend time in my devotion each day, but some days it just doesn't happen. so i am taking this challenge with you. 

i am praying for you, but if there is anything specific i can pray for please let me know. 

xoxo, 

C