Hello, sweet friends.
It has been a while since I have sat down and poured my thoughts into a blog but as my thoughts are beginning to overflow out of my tattered notebook I realize that it is time to share once again.
Each day I sit down and spend time growing in the word. Some days I simply dwell on bible verses that are applicable to what I am going through in life and other days I focus on my daily devotional. But no matter what, each day, I write down the things that I am learning about myself and my walk with Christ.
However, lately I have found myself caught up in a whirlwind of emotions that I cannot begin to explain. Some days I feel like darkness has encompassed my life and other days I experience pure bliss. Every day people are telling me that this should be the happiest time in my life; after all, I am planning a wedding and nearing the end of my undergraduate degree, but that is not necessarily the case. When I allow worry and anxiety to creep into my life, my whole demeanor changes. I have learned a lot about my walk as a Christian through these personal trials which has shown me how to appropriately face each day with a positive attitude.
Seven years ago if you would have told me that this is the dream I would be living I would have told you that you are crazy.
At that time in my life Joseph was only an acquaintance, albeit a cute one. We were only friends and had no idea where the high school/college years would take us. I surely didn't think I would be getting married at the ripe 'ole age of 21 (but SO thankful I am!)
Also at that time in my life, anything and everything about hospitals absolutely freaked me out. I did not do throw up (still do not do throw up), I did not do blood, and I definitely did not do dirty diapers. Funny how when we say NO, God says YES-- look where I am today. I am dealing with each of those things every time I step foot in the hospital.
It is extraordinary how much change has taken place in my life over the past years, but the one thing that remains in me and the one thing I encourage you to hold on to is H O P E.
But for me, holding onto the gift of hope also means dealing with a lot of the dreaded anxiety. How does that work? I am hopeful that God is using me and doing a work in my life every single day, but I am also anxious about the things that have yet to come. I think that this has something everything to do with my OCD/having to plan everything/controlling personality. But as a Christian, God commands me not to be anxious.
1 Peter 5:7 clearly tells me to "cast my anxiety on Him because He cares for me".
Jeremiah 29:11 is also an everlasting promise that I cling to, tightly.
However, if I'm being honest, I would tell you that the anxiety and fear of the unknown has encompassed more of my life than the HOPE that I should be searching for. BUT every time I turn to my Heavenly Father I get a glimpse of that HOPE that I long for every day of my life. That HOPE graces me with thoughts of the life ahead of me: my Christianity and the privilege that I have to share that with anyone and everyone, the nearing of the end of my undergraduate degree and the hope that this time next year I will be a nurse, and the most wonderful thoughts of the life that my fiance' and I will begin to share on January 3rd, 2015.
If I'm being honest again I would tell you that although I am a little bit nervous for this next phase in my life, I am also a whole lot excited for the things to come. I am excited for my Christian walk and my faith to grow. Joseph and I have talked multiple times about how we feel a calling of some type of ministry on our lives. We do not know what, where, or why we feel this way but I do know that together we will be faithful and serve wherever the Lord leads us. The thought of sharing the gospel and reaching out to others while standing beside the man I love brings pure joy to my life. I am also excited for the career that I have been working on for the past 3 years. I can't wait to be a nurse and to reach out to people every single day. I am excited to be a part of their care and to help give them HOPE about their future. Lastly, I am extremely excited and overjoyed about becoming one flesh with the man who knows and loves me more than I ever thought I needed. I pray over our marriage every single day. I know that there is no true way to ever prepare myself for what is to come, but I like to think that I am doing the best that I can. What I do know is that our marriage is going to take work, but I also know that it will be worth every second, every dispute, every miscommunication, and every tear that we share. We have been together for six years, and we both agree that we know each other pretty well. But we also know that marriage will teach us things about each other that we have never known. We know there will be hard days (we are two sinners who are beginning a life together), but we also have HOPE that there will be quadruple the amount of happy days that there are hard days. In the last few months of our "singleness" I have HOPE that we will strengthen each other for what is to come. I trust that we will grow a little more together in our faith and continue to have boundaries set to deter any temptations that we may face. I have HOPE that this life we will create together will be the most wonderful thing we will ever experience aside from the day we found our salvation in Christ.
I have HOPE that no matter the amount of worry and anxiety I let Satan bring upon my life, the amount of joy that I will receive from Christ will be tenfold. As Christians it is our responsibility to declare Satan out of our lives. If we are living for Christ then there is no room for Satan.
Turn your face to the Lord and allow him to show you his mercies every single day. Even when your life seems dark (as mine has been at times) find time to present yourself to the Lord and he will greatly bless you.
When you are not spending time with the Lord, find time to do something that brings comfort to you. For me, writing is the second best thing to help me get rid of the stress in my life. The first, of course, is talking and sharing my feelings with Joe. Find someone who will listen to you and love you no matter what you say. Find someone who encourages you in your darkest times of life. Find someone who will hold you accountable and tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. If you have that one person you can turn to then you have a true friend.
PS- I am always here to talk to anyone who needs encouragement, support, and prayer.
Thank you for taking time to read this blurb about HOPE. This is real people. Although I do live a very blessed and happy life, this is the raw and unedited side of things. I struggle each and every day to make the right decisions but I also serve a Father who is full of forgiveness and love.
You are loved,
Chaselyn
